More Money, More Happiness? Part III
This was then the genesis of all my problems, Juliana continued. I was dumbstruck, uncertain of whether to wail or on what exactly to do. I stood up quietly under that glare, unsure of how to reply to such a statement, as I watched his shadow disappear from the room.
I can't remember for how long I cried, lying down on the floor, consoling myself that this is just a dream. I tried so hard to wake up and gain my sanity back. All I wanted is for the world to open and swallow me up alive, The bitterness and rage in my heart could not be expressed
I spent the next day making numerous calls to Tonny's friends who I had met on our countless drinking sprees. Apparently most people didn't even notice he was away. (What happened to real friendships). Anyway I got a few leads and decided to follow it to the bottom. I needed to understand what's going on, my life was typically on a standstill waiting for Tonny to just clarify things. I had so many questions, unanswered questions. The info I got indicated that he was in one of the getaways in the outskirts of Eldoret town. Without wasting much time, I called in and made a reservation at the hotel, packed a few things and drove off (he'd given me a car earlier this year for my birthday). Thank God NTSA were not on the road that day because the speed at which that car hit the road is unexplainable for now. Every minute I took on the road seemed like a lifetime. Finally, I arrived, packed and started to walk towards the reception, as fate would have it, I met with Tonny, I can't tell where he was going to though he looked like he was in a rush. The moment he saw me, his face turned pale, his hands lost its grip and his phone fell helplessly to the floor. He stood still as if, he had seen a ghosts from the pits of hell. I left my documents as the receptionist helped me to check in, before approaching Tonny. I was uncertain of whether to give him a hug and a kiss or slap him for the recent turn if events. Even before I could contemplate on what to do, my mouth was already ranting. I need answers I screamed out loud.
Tonny stretched forth his hand, and pulled me to the restaurant. I couldn't wait for his romantic gesture to pull through at that moment as I pushed him away as he tried to pull a seat for me. I sat down waiting for him to pour himself out.Tonny called up the waiter to bring him a scotch whiskey, then continued to explain all that had happened over the past few weeks.
Sipping his drink in between the conversation he said, I have not really been a good person, I've been unfaithful first and foremost to my beloved wife (Be What!!!!! beloved indeed). He continued, I know I've never told you anything about my family but kindly allow me to share this today. I hope and pray you won't be so angry.
I got married to my wife after 2 years of dating while still in the university. We had a humble life as I worked as a bank teller while she was a nurse. I was head over heels in love with her. We were blessed with two beautiful girls (pulled up his phone to show me his girls), these girls are my pride. Year after year we began to rise up the social ladder of Masclow, from meeting the basic needs to psychological needs and alas self fulfillment needs, Yes to self actualization I could only be described my one of Maslow's statements A desire “to become everything one is capable of becoming”. That's who I was, my reputation, dignity, achievement, mastery, independence, status etc was worth while.
Business trips came along as my stature gained pre-eminence. With friends around, we always thought and said that what your wife doesn't know won't kill you. This was our signature statement as we moved from one city to another. The desire to explore and get the forbidden fruit was close to unresistable. That was my lifestyle until I met you and you made my world come to a stop. All I wanted was to make you happy. I made up my mind to dedicate myself to you and my dear wife. I can say I did all I could to give my family a good life but am not so sure that that's how I can view it now.
Six months ago, I got a mouth sore and went in to get a prescription from the doctor. Weeks later it still hadn't cleared, I still went back when they thought it was just a mixed infection before pumping more drugs to me and even with that nothing seemed to work. I looked for another hospital for a second opinion, where the doctor suggested we do a HIV test, at first I was reluctant but I consoled myself with the thought that all the girls I had been with looked "okay", I really don't think that they could be unwell and so the doctor proceeded clearly explaining what the lines means and interpretation of the results.
15 minutes appeared as though it was a million years, then it was time to check the results, at that moment my heart stopped . It just stopped beating. And for the first time in my life, I had that feeling. You know, like the world is moving all around you, all beneath you, all inside you, and you're floating. Floating in midair. Not really sure if I wanted to wake up and face the realities about being positive. The thought about loosing my family was out of question, I just laid there and at a distance I could feel the rush that the doctors were in. After treatment I was allowed home with a cocktail of drugs. Still I hadn't felt the realities of life, I mean everything changed in quite a short while. I was allocated a counselor and caregiver to do follow-up on me. The series of meeting didn't seem to work all I wanted was to die but at the same time I didn't want to go before I have a chance to apologize and hope that you can still build your life irrespective of the current circumstances. That's why I went out drinking the other day when I later passed through your house. I tried so hard to find the right words to explain my ordeal but I wasn't bold enough hence I resorted to come here to figure out what I will do as I also sign the divorce papers that my wife presented a few days ago,
Am not sure I heard anything after when Tonny said he was HIV Positive, I could only see his lips move as tears rolled down my face, I was dumbstruck, humiliated, embarrassed and disappointed. I walked out of the scene to get to the receptionist as I quickly left to go to my car. For a moment my life flushed down a toilet never to be fulfilled, I was a cross road while still confused. I didn't know where to go to or whom to confide in. All the friends I had were just social friends when there's a party to go to, I can't really say that there was anyone I could count on at these time.
I drove home to where my neglected parents were, of course I didn't visit neither did I call. I lived in my fantasy would of having everything that my heart desired and left them to languish in poverty. As I approached home to be received by my mother. Her eyes were filled with tears, she looked and me and could barely recognize me, I had really lost so much weight and of course I was dressed scantily. We got to the house and I spent the next few days in bed, all I wanted was to die. My mum (I really thank God for her) was and is a darling, she walked to my room one day and told me irrespective of what you have done, I still love you so much and so does God do. All you need to do is confess your sins, remember the bible says in 1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. She also said Romans 5:8 God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. At that moment I felt a relief that I hadn't had in quite some time now. I asked mum to pray for me then we go to the hospital, which she gladly did. I felt so much at peace. I had so much courage to face the rest of my days with boldness.
We got to the hospital, I was equally diagnosed with HIV with other opportunistic infections and have since been on care, from the doctors report am doing well and might possibly be discharged from the hospital soon. Tonny on the other hand committed suicide on the very day I left him at the hotel.
Before you leave she said, Please let the whole world know that choices have consequences. I made a wrong choice and am dearly paying for it now. I didn't know who gives silver and gold, I searched for it in the wrong places and you can see where I am now until I read Haggai 2:8 The silver is mine and the gold is mine,' declares the LORD Almighty. Remember Proverbs 31:30
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
Every man and woman should remember that we have great worth before God's sight But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God's special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light 1 peter 2:9. But most importantly Mark 8:36 For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?
THE END
