To forgive or NOT to forgive

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 If someone told me that I'll see this day, while am alive and well I would probably laugh it off. I must admit I wasn't sure that I'll see this day. Am sure even in your life there are days that you just can't see past them. There are days when you watch your life like a movie unveiling before your eyes. Things happen and you are just not too sure if you can live past them. Have you ever begged for death to come knocking and you even dare God to take you home? Those are the days am talking about. 

I've had a fair share of joy and sorrows. I've cried as hard as I've laughed. I have prayed and pleaded with God, and equally thanked God for his awesome deeds.

Let me see if I can expound further,

“Mum, am sorry, I didn’t mean it, it was an accident”. These were the words of my 7-year-old girl. At this moment in time, I was full of emotions, I just told her am driving I’ll be home soon to hear more about it. Allow me to start this story from the beginning. Have you ever meet “mtu anakula chama” (a person who’s getting the merry go round money), their ego and pride cannot be explained in human language especially now during this Covid times when everyone is complaining of economic recession? So, in short that was me, I have been waiting for this day since the year started. I had made a lot of plans on how I intended to spend it. Truth be told, women glam their houses with such tokens and it’s exciting when it’s finally your chance to take the money home.

When I finally saw an MPESA message from the treasurer it felt like I had won a lottery. It wasn’t a lot of money but it will surely make a difference. However, my excitement was short-lived when I came home one day and my Television set wasn’t working. Upon inquiring I was told that my 2-year-old, had a tantrum and took out all his frustrations on the TV set. Moments later, there was no visual since the screen had broken. To be sincere, I wasn’t that agitated because the TV has served its time and also because it had been broken earlier when we were moving houses. So part of me knew sooner or later we would need to budget for it since a fraction of the screen was black. But we always said since its still functional we can sort other things first.

As fate would have it, these incidences happened when I had just received my MPESA. My daughter was in distress; she could tell from the tone of my voice that today is going to be a long night. Occasionally she peeped through the living room window trying to look for my parked car. Sooner rather than later, I walked in, she sat still at the edge of the sofa, I’ve never seen my daughter so terrified. She was so remorseful. I wasn’t sure how to start the conversation, you see, once my son broke the TV, I decided to buy another one with my chama money. The TV had been installed one day ago but looking at it now the screen was broken, yes, AGAIN, this time it didn’t even serve us 24hours. That’s why my daughter was afraid. After the TV was installed we had a family meeting and agreed with the children that no one should hit the TV, but as fate would have it, she was playing with a ball that accidentally hit the TV and it broke.

I walked past her and went to my bedroom, she followed me shortly. I heard a light knock on my door, I responded and she walked in. She explained her ordeal and I told her “It’s OKAY” we’ll figure it out.

God’s love for us is more that the love we have for our children. There’s nothing God can’t forgive us. Every day God is sitted on His throne waiting for us to approach it and confess our sins. We might have sinned repeatedly but it doesn’t change His love for us. 9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness 1st John 1:9

What am trying to say is that, in one way or another we might be hurt and betrayed. Deep down in your heart you know that you  couldn’t find yourself to forgive them. You do a lot of soul searching and the answer is still the same. You tell God that you’d rather die than live to face another day with everything that is happening. and wake up every day questioning God why it’s taking him so long.

When I was at the edge of everything God reminded me of His love, not only to me but to the whole mankind. He loves me as much as He loves my offenders. He never changes and He wants all to be restored back to him. Just like my daughter was at the edge not sure if I’d forgive her again, God is still in the business of restoring us back to Him. Psalms 103:13 As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;

I look at the calendar today and I can say that God’s grace has been sufficient. I can testify that 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres God has taught me about each aspect of this verse and for that am forever grateful.


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